Porchlandia “Respect the Porch” Performance Tee
$40.00
Not every warning arrives loudly.
This lightweight Porchlandia performance tee features Brad learning an important lesson about porch etiquette somewhere between gravity and regret.
Made for late-night walks, road trips, workouts, porch sits, accidental spiritual awakenings, and any situation where moisture-wicking technology and mythic consequences may both be required.
The back finishes the story: “you may be offered a mint.”
Soft, breathable, and built for movement, this shirt wears lighter than standard cotton while still carrying the warm lantern-glow aesthetic of Porchlandia after dark.
Perfect for:
• hikes
• gym sessions
• listening to Porchlandia Radio at irresponsible hours
• defending the sanctity of rocking chairs
• remaining mint-adjacent
Porchlandia is a handmade story world of bears, lanterns, tea service, friendship, strange visitors, and the quiet places where people finally exhale.
Respect the porch.
Or don’t.
Glorp is very strong.
• 100% premium polyester
• Lightweight moisture-wicking fabric
• Odor-resistant and stain-release material
• UPF44+ protection
• Relaxed athletic fit
• Printed on demand
This lightweight Porchlandia performance tee features Brad learning an important lesson about porch etiquette somewhere between gravity and regret.
Made for late-night walks, road trips, workouts, porch sits, accidental spiritual awakenings, and any situation where moisture-wicking technology and mythic consequences may both be required.
The back finishes the story: “you may be offered a mint.”
Soft, breathable, and built for movement, this shirt wears lighter than standard cotton while still carrying the warm lantern-glow aesthetic of Porchlandia after dark.
Perfect for:
• hikes
• gym sessions
• listening to Porchlandia Radio at irresponsible hours
• defending the sanctity of rocking chairs
• remaining mint-adjacent
Porchlandia is a handmade story world of bears, lanterns, tea service, friendship, strange visitors, and the quiet places where people finally exhale.
Respect the porch.
Or don’t.
Glorp is very strong.
• 100% premium polyester
• Lightweight moisture-wicking fabric
• Odor-resistant and stain-release material
• UPF44+ protection
• Relaxed athletic fit
• Printed on demand
From the Porch
Every item in the Porch Store carries something of the world it came from. The Bear was here. So was his zest friand.